Reality Check

I have not been myself lately. I've known this for a while now, but it took a good friend to point it out before I realized I need to do something about it.

I have always prided myself on the fact that I'm very independent, but what I never equated it to is my inability to count on other people. I don't like to tell people when I need help. It makes me feel insecure and weak. As I write this I have a huge knot in my throat confirming the truth of that statement. When I have counted on others and have been let down, it stands out in my mind so much more strongly than when when people come through. I'm not saying people never come through for me, rather that I let myself get hung up on the times they don't. It takes a stronger person to be vulnerable than independent. I guess it's like lifting weights...You will feel weak before you become stronger. If that's the case, I'm about to be really strong.

I do need others to help me sometimes, but I guess I don't know how to ask or what to ask for. The funny thing is that I never expect anyone else to be independent and will go out of my way to help a friend whether they ask or not, but I still don't think I ever need help myself. I guess I was wrong.