Oh yeah, I'm competing in a week!

I feel better than I have in a long time.

I used to be a happy-go-lucky cutsey girl who smiled at everyone and never thought twice about lending a hand to anyone and everyone. Throughout life I have stepped away from that girl one step at a time for one reason or another. I think I fell in a rabbit hole recently that dropped me right back where I started, and I didn't notice until now how much I missed this place. It's even better now with all of life's experiences that I have brought with me.

On the way down the hole I think I have had the opportunity to positively affect other people. As a bodybuilder people see me as someone strong and cold that no one would fuck with. Me being attacked showed everyone who knew me that sometimes it doesn't really matter how strong you are or how tough you are, you can still be a victim. What happened to me showed some that it could happen to anyone. As a business owner people see me as someone grounded and independent. Since I have been very open with the fact that I am going to therapy, some people have accepted that maybe you don't have to be a basket case to need psychiatric help. As a personal trainer, I inspire others to be focused and strong, and most people think that this comes naturally for me. Now people can see that I have to work for it sometimes, and they have hope for their own ability to overcome circumstances.

In the last couple weeks, I have made connections with people that I don't think I could have last year. I have been more caring. I have been more empathetic. I have been able to be strong enough to take on other people's worries without it weighing me down. It all started when I was able to put my own worries onto others and saw that they were willing to take it on. Now, I'm taking weight off of other people's minds and for some of the same people who took weight off mine. This kind of compassion feeds off of itself, and I hope that it continues to grow in those around me.

What a whirlwind I've been caught up in! I am not in my best shape for my upcoming show, but I still have never felt better in general. I am competing next week on Friday. All I can do at this point is let it play out, and see how it goes.